Do you remember Star Trek. The alien species known as Ferengi were big capitalists. Below are a set of guidelines intended to ensure the profitability of businesses owned by the Ferengi. The Ferengi had many rules and the ones below are just their Rules of Acquisition
The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on a nerve at the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don`t know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt, and he has an interesting family tree:
In 1957, Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one son, Jack.
How do you audit Santa?
Barry sat primly on the edge of his chair, deliberately ignoring the lure of the plump cushions that nestled behind his back. His stylus hovering importantly over the screen of his shiny PDA, Barry turned his best steely glare on his target, unaware that the expression made him look remarkably like a myopic ferret. His prim mouth tightened when the other man tried unsuccessfully to stifle yet another deep chuckle.
There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy.
Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.
So the Tax Man is vaguely human after all!!
HMRC with a sense of humour
This is a real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it
Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise.
I will address them, as ever, in order.
Below is a tongue-in-cheek explanation for words used in your annual review by your boss.