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Fun (12)

Tuesday, 08 October 2013 22:10

Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

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ferengiferengiDo you remember Star Trek.  The alien species known as Ferengi were big capitalists.  Below are a set of guidelines intended to ensure the profitability of businesses owned by the Ferengi.  The Ferengi had many rules and the ones below are just their Rules of Acquisition

Monday, 07 October 2013 19:55

Priceless

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balls too bigballs too bigThe doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on a nerve at the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Friday, 17 May 2013 23:41

ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES

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  • A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

  • Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

Friday, 17 May 2013 23:17

Do you know Jack Schitt?

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Jack SchittJack SchittMany people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don`t know Jack Schitt."

Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt, and he has an interesting family tree:

In 1957, Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.

They had one son, Jack.

Wednesday, 20 March 2013 16:55

Auditing Santa

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How do you audit Santa?


Barry sat primly on the edge of his chair, deliberately ignoring the lure of the plump cushions that nestled behind his back. His stylus hovering importantly over the screen of his shiny PDA, Barry turned his best steely glare on his target, unaware that the expression made him look remarkably like a myopic ferret. His prim mouth tightened when the other man tried unsuccessfully to stifle yet another deep chuckle.


 

Wednesday, 13 March 2013 10:41

The Pope’s Election

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There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy.

Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.

Monday, 04 March 2013 22:19

So the Tax Man is vaguely human after all!!

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So the Tax Man is vaguely human after all!!

HMRC with a sense of humour
This is a real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it

Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise.

I will address them, as ever, in order.

Monday, 04 March 2013 22:09

The country is in DEEP DEEP trouble...

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The country is in DEEP DEEP trouble...

The population of this country is approximately 4 million.

1 million are retired.

Monday, 04 March 2013 22:00

The working year

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An employee comes into her manager’s office to take a day off from work. The manager replies, "So you want a day off.

Let's take a look at what you are asking for.

two-thumbs-uptwo-thumbs-upBelow is a tongue-in-cheek explanation for words used in your annual review by your boss.

There are five menus on this site.
At the very top of the page in the black strip, you will find information on our Company. Below that, in the red strip, is the main menu.  On the bottom RHS, you will find details about our Company. Just above in the red strip are the articles. Just to your right here in black we are experimenting with menus that will change regularly. 
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