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Tuesday, 08 October 2013 22:10

Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

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ferengiferengiDo you remember Star Trek.  The alien species known as Ferengi were big capitalists.  Below are a set of guidelines intended to ensure the profitability of businesses owned by the Ferengi.  The Ferengi had many rules and the ones below are just their Rules of Acquisition

1:             Once you have their money ... you never give it back.

3:             Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.

6:             Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.

7:             Keep your ears open.

8:             Small print leads to large risk.

9:             Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.

10:            Greed is eternal.

13:            Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

16:            A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along.

17:            A contract is a contract, is a contract ... but only between Ferengi.

18:            A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.

19:            Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

21:            Never place friendship above profit.

22             A wise man can hear profit in the wind.

27:            There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

31:            Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother.  insult something he cares about instead.

33:            It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

34:            War is good for buisness.

35:            Peace is good for business.

40:            She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.

41:            Profit is its own reward.

44:            Never confuse wisdom with luck.

47:            Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

48:            The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

52:            Never ask when you can take.

57:            Good customers are as rare as latinum - treasure them.

58:            There is no substitute for success.

59:            Free advice is seldom cheap.

60:            Keep your lies consistent.

62:            The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

65:            Win or lose, there’s always Hupyrian beetle snuff.

69:            Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.

75:            Home is where the heart is ... but the stars are made of latinum.

76:            Every once in a while, declare peace... It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

79:            Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.

82:            The flimsier the product, the higher the price.

85:            Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.

89:            Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.

94:            Females and finances don’t mix.

95:            Expand... or die.

97:            Enough ... is never enough.

98:            Every man has his price.

99:            Trust is the biggest liability of all.

102:          Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.

103:          Sleep can interfere with... (rest unknown)

104:          Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.

106:          There is no honor in poverty.

109:          Dignity and an empty sack... is worth the sack.

111:          Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them.

112:          Never have sex with the boss’s sister.

113:          Always have sex with the boss.

121:          Everything is for sale, even friendship.

123:          Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.

139:          Wives serve, brothers inherit.

141:          Only fools pay retail.

144:          There’s nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket.

162:          Even in the worst of times someone makes a profit.

168.          Whisper your way to success

177:          Know your enemies ... but do buisness with them always.

181:          Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.

189:          Let others keep their reputation... You keep their latinum.

190:          Hear all, trust nothing.

192:          Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you can get away with it.

194:          It’s always good business to know your customers before they walk in your door.

202:          The justification for profit is profit.

203:          New customers are like razor tooth gree worms. They can be suclent, but sometimes they bite back.

208:          Sometimes, the only thing more dangerous than a question, is an answer.

211:          Employees are the rungs on the ladder to success, don’t hesitate to step on them.

214:          Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.

217:          You can’t free a fish from water.

218:          Always know what you’re buying.

223:          Beware the man who doesn’t make time for oo-mox.

229:          Latinum lasts longer than lust.

236:          You can’t buy fate.

239:          Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

242:          More is good ... all is better.

255:          A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant a necessity.

261:          A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.

263:          Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinium.

266:          When in doubt, lie.

284:          Deep down, everyone’s a Ferengi.

285:          No good deed ever goes unpunished.

286:          When Morn leaves; it's all over.

299:          Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time.

Another rule, whose number is unknown, states       "Exploitation begins at home"

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