Here are some smartly worded signs seen around the world.

• Sign at truck stop café reads:
  Eat here diet home.
• On the side of a plumber's van:
  A straight flush is better than a full house.
• In a dentist office:
  Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
• On a restaurant:
  Try our fish just for the halibut.
• Church sign:
  To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted.

• Gym:
  Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
• Car Lot:
  The best way to get on your feet ... Miss a car payment.
• Maternity Clothes Shop:
  We are open on Labor Day.
• Outside a country shop in West Virginia:
  We buy junk and sell antiques.
• On septic tank pumping truck:
  You dump it, we pump it!
• Septic tank service truck:
  We'll take crap from anyone!
• In front of a car wash:
  If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
• In a Texas funeral parlour:
  Ask about our layaway plan.
• In the front yard of a funeral home:
  Drive carefully, we'll wait.
• On an electrician's truck:
  Let us remove your shorts.
• Outside a radiator repair shop:
  Best place in town to take a leak.
• At an optometrist's office:
  If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
• On a taxidermist's window:
  We really know our stuff.
• On a butcher's window:
  Let me meat your needs.
• Outside a muffler shop:
  No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.
• In a dry cleaner's emporium:
  Drop your pants here.
• In a veterinarian's waiting room:
  Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
• At the electric company:
  We would be delighted if you send in your bill.  However, if you don't, you will be.
• Outside a Hotel:
  Help! We need inn-experienced people.
• At an Auto Body Shop:
  May we have the next dents?
• In a Podiatrist's window:
  Time wounds all heels.
• On another Butcher's window:
  Pleased to meat you.
• At a Used Car Lot:
  Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
• Plumber:
  We repair what your husband fixed.
• Trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:
  Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
• Pizza shop slogan:
  7 days without pizza makes one weak.
• At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
  Invite us to your next blowout.
• Door of a plastic surgeons office:
  Hello, can we pick your nose?
• Sign at the psychic's Hotline:
  Don't call us, we'll call you.
• At a Towing Company:
  We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
• In a counselors office:
  Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.